Fossilised iPads: Rapture weekend ends on a high note

I thought I’d leave it 24 hours to be on the safe side before concluding that most of us are still here. I don’t know anyone pius enough to have been raptured, so I’m only assuming. Of course, I’m an unlikely candidate for rapturisation and would most likely have been left wallowing in misery until mid-October when the ungodly world ended. This was especially likely since I was told last week that my religion is appleism and my church one of several Apple Stores in central London. I did touch a desk corner or two at Covent Garden this morning, just for good luck. Instead of the second coming, all we got was an iPad fossilised in an acrylic block.