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Everything Everywhere to become Nothing Nowhere


Only two years since the ludicrous rebranding of Orange and T-Mobile as Everything Everywhere, there are rumours of yet another rebranding against a background of a possible bid for the company. 

At the Registrar of Silly Business Names, Everything Everywhere must the star exhibit. Apart from inviting the double-negative retort of Nothing Nowhere, it is only the latest example of fatuous rebranding for rebanding’s sake.

Shakespeare said that a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet. He’s right in the sense that Orange and T-Mobile are both doing the same good job behind the hideous title. But what a name to be saddled with.

When I first saw reports of E-E back in mid-2011 I knew it was a disastrous choice. Company officials should have realised it even before they left the branding agency’s offices. 

Everything Everywhere isn’t alone. If you call British Telecom to have your phone line serviced, the engineer will arrive in a van emblazoned Open Reach. It sounds like a rebranding of the Samaritans or Alcoholics’ Anonymous. What’s wrong with Orange, T-Mobile or British Telecom Engineering? At least you have some idea of what you’re getting.


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